despite the flaws of the american ideal of "rugged individualism"

it does have some good aspects to it. I tend to get upset when people either 1) praise the western ideal of individualism and self-understanding/focus on oneself and criticize social responsibility and eastern focus on the importance of family and community over oneself
or
2) praise the eastern communal priority and criticize the western value of individualism and "finding yourself".

so am I a hypocrite? I think in my mind, both are important and that either can be taken to a negative extreme. I think its a good thing to "find yourself" while also recognizing the value of commuity and the family as an important entity to cherished and respected.


jesus said "love thy neighbour as thyself."
not "love thy neighbour more than thyself" or "love thyself more than thy neighbor."

one should hold yourself and your neighbour (all people) in equal regard. my friend noted this last week when we had coffee and I was so thankful to her for sharing this observation. Most of my life I had interpreted that scripture as if it really said "Love your neighbour more than yourself".

The other day I discovered a letter I had written to myself, about 2 pages long, back in the summer of 2002. In the letter, I addressed myself as my close confidant, my most dear friend.
My best friend.
The past year or so I have tried or at least pondered the idea somewhat of being my own best friend. It is certainly true that I can be my own best friend or my very worst enemy.
I will not deny the fact that I can often be the latter.
Sometimes I find it very useful to write letters to myself and read them a bit later. Its an amazing form of self-help that helps you to step outside yourself and also help yourself.
The other night my friend Nadia put her hand over her heart and I put my hand over mine. "Everything I need to know is right here." she said. "yes, its all right here." I said.
I remember last October Ben Lee told me the exact same thing and I didn't believe him.
"Its all right here" he said, looking me in the eyes and pointing to his chest and then mine "What you feel, what's right here. That is the truth".

"And all God's people say..."
"Amen."

the falseness of intimacy
recently i have spent a lot of time wondering how much we really know other people.
sometime i think i really know other people, understand other people, think i have other people figured out.
and then i realize, that I don't have myself figured out, not to mention everyone else.
and that is painful.
the shocking realization that i thought i knew this person, thought i was close to this person.
nope. i know some THINGS about them. maybe i know their favorite ice-cream color, their middle name, their opinion on the final chapters of Flaubert's Sentimental Education.
One of my favorite books is "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck and one of its main ideas is that "Love is Seperateness". Basically that despite all your attempts to understand and be understood, the painful reality of life is that we are all seperate people with seperate ideas and seperate almost everything. No matter how close we really feel to another human being, part of it is an illusion. You never really know or understand another living being.
I'm not sure i'll ever be able to fully accept that. I like the illusion, when it lasts.